Earlier this month Apple launched the Apple Card – a credit card emblazoned with the Apple logo and a slick titanium finish.

Shortly after release it was discovered that the Apple Card was a stain magnet. Folks were reporting that their shiny new credit card was tainted by the blue hue of their jeans.

In a bid to help consumers keep their cards clean smart device skin maker dbrand has introduced Apple Card Skins and Wraps.

The firm is charging a cool $4.95 for a skin at the front of the card and the same amount for the rear skin. Look, we get that aesthetics are important but the fact that you can now buy a custom skin for your credit card is just so bizarre we can’t comprehend it.

It seems dbrand itself can’t believe that it is selling a credit card skin with a clear tone of sarcasm coming through a blog post on the product page.

“So you’re wondering about the precision of our Apple Card skins. Frankly, that’s a stupid thing to worry about. We skinned the AirPods case, remember? An Apple Card skin is just a rectangle with rounded corners. It’s a slam dunk,” writes the company.

“We measured the front and back, just in case they were different somehow. We even measured the embossed Apple logo so that we could sell Apple Card skins with logo cutouts – otherwise nobody will know you’ve got an Apple Card. That would defeat the purpose of the card right.”

The firm goes on to throw a large amount of shade at Apple customers in a bid to get them to purchase $25 worth of Apple Card skins to qualify for free shipping.

“Ordering more than $25 worth of Apple Card skins? If not, buy more. That way, you’ll qualify for free shipping. Alternatively, you could pay more for expedited FedEx shipping in as little as 24 hours. We know how much you love to pay more, and every extra day you don’t have an Apple Card skin, your Apple Card might get ruined by simply existing. Either way, your Apple Card skin will arrive before you know it, and you can resume spending money you don’t have… because you already gave it all to us,” concludes dbrand.

With the status of the Apple Card’s arrival in South Africa unclear as of time of writing this isn’t a problem that will concern locals at all. That having been said, should the credit card come to SA at least you can protect it now right? Sure you could just put it in your wallet but it could be ruined by… okay we can’t keep this up. It’s a card people, you’re either going to lose it or need a new one before long, you don’t need to protect it.

For now we’re just going to enjoy the shade and avoid getting burned like Apple has thanks to dbrand.

Brendyn Lotz writes news, reviews, and opinion pieces for Hypertext. His interests include SMEs, innovation on the African continent, cybersecurity, blockchain, games, geek culture and YouTube.